Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
