you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
