Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
