when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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