I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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