We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
