either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry about my life...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
