so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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