someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
