I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
