I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i think my cat just said my name.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
