I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
