my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
