if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
