My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
