omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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