I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
