Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
