Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
