I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
