so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
