thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
