im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
