dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
