I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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