Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
