remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
