never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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