Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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