you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
