Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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