I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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