Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
