No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
