I wish I only lived at night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
