I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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