Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
