Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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