I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
bring money and cleavage
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
