Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
