Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
