His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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