The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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