Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize