there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
