Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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