i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
