you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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