If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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