I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
