Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
