Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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