wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
