I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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