Fuck appropriateness.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
