This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
