And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
