dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
