I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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