Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
