i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
