Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
