i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
