i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
