Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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