Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
